Before you consider filing for divorce, let me show you the consequences that you have to consider. Reality is divorce is almost always traumatic for everyone in the family.
Whether we like it or not, it is our children who will receive the greatest impact since they are influenced by the environment parents create before, during, and after divorce. The better children can understand the concept of what is happening, the easier it is to integrate their fear and grief. This can help them adjust at the situation, however, it is important to remember that children of different ages will have different understandings of what divorce means and how they will react to it differently.
Effects of divorce on children:
Infancy: 0-12 months
Babies are able to feel tension in the home (and between their parents) but can’t understand the reasoning behind the conflict. If the tension continues, babies may become irritable and clingy, especially around new people, and have frequent emotional outbursts. They may also tend to regress or show signs of developmental delay.
Toddlers: 1-3 years old
A child’s main bond is with her parents, so any major disruption in her home life can be difficult for her to accept and comprehend. Kids this age are self-centered and may think they’ve caused their parents’ breakup. They may cry and want more attention than usual, regress and return to thumb sucking, resist toilet training, have a fear of being abandoned, or have trouble going to sleep or sleeping alone at night.
Preschoolers: 4-6 years old
For pre-schoolers, the family and especially their parents, is the center of their universe. They need a lot of attention, care, love and confirmation from them. As a result of the divorce, they might become even more dependent of their parents. Divorced parents report that after the divorce, their young children started bed watering again and that they could not or did not want to do simple tasks that they were able to before. Probably, this is their way of getting closer to their parents.
School Age Children: 6-12 years old
Parental divorce can have a negative impact on his/her education. This age group is still in magical thinking; they may hold out the wish that their parents will get back together. In this age group, children are still very egocentric and can feel responsible for not only their parents’ separation, but for the possibility of a reconciliation. Children ages six through 12 grieve the loss of their parents’ marriage. It is almost inconceivable that that their parents, that belong to them, are no longer living together, and that in fact, one parent is living apart.
Adolescents: 10-19 years old
This age group react in the opposite direction. They tend to behave more independent. They feel betrayed by their divorced parents. Mistrust enters the relationship. They feel they have to take care of themselves, to take things in their own hands. Mom and dad are apparently putting their interest first.
Among boys, this materializes in more rebellious and aggressive behavior. Girls have the tendency to become more anxious and withdrawn. Girls of divorce parents are sexually active at younger age.
Among effects of divorce on children are negative emotions like bitterness, stress, emotional pain, anxiety, fear, feeling abandoned, feeling betrayed and loss of self-esteem.
Now with all of these negative effects on children of all ages, wouldn’t be worth it if we try again one more time?
According to the statistics, 80% of DIVORCE are initiated by WOMEN.
As a mother, would you like to INITIATE these negative impact on YOUR OWN CHILDREN?